-2025-10.26-
"i often dont feel like my gender is male nor female or even non binary, just something thats there. i dont feel connected to other human beings or that i belong, i just feel like some creature that lives silently in the background, just existing. Not male, not female not even both just there. Ive felt this way for years but i figure its due to my disconnection from everyone else. Being isolated so much as a kid will do some damage to you. i rarely ever went to therapy due to both fear ill end up in a mental hospital anndd due to us moving around so much."
"The constent numbed out feeling i have might just add on to it, like i barely feel any emotions but i know theyre there. Its strange- its like ill feel sad or even mad but itll be so faint, im not used to feeling mad or excited so when i know im supposed to it makes me feel disconnected. its so hard to explain- i think it mightve been because of a coping mech i used a lot even when i was little, id purposefully numb my brain out in some way to avoid stress. i can only hope that one day ill either grow out of this or go to therapy for it. i remember that going outside often helped a lot but its kinda difficult to do that where i live."
